The people you “hang around with” really make a difference in your life and as I got more involved in Unity, I came across this concept of “we become what we think about” and its Lenten corollary, “giving up error thinking.”
This idea became very interesting. I knew that I sometimes got angry or frustrated; that I judged others, especially while driving; and that I often viewed myself as inadequate in some way.
Could this be what is meant by “error thinking”?
What if I gave up doubt for lent? I mean self-doubt. What if for just one day or one week or even 40 days, I stopped feeling inadequate?
Think about this for a moment….How would your life be changed if you stepped forward tomorrow and did what your heart has been telling you to do, instead of being crippled by self-doubt?
Does that seem like a choice that would change your life?
Let me make this more clear. Have you ever met an Olympic gold medalist?
I was at the children’s museum recently and while I was wandering around, I came across someone, an Asian lady, reading to a big group of children. I soon realized that the attractive slim woman was Kristi Yamaguchi, figure skating world champion and Olympic gold medalist. I sat and watched her read. She then talked to the children a little about reading and then got up and left. She just walked out. She had no escort, no entourage, no security. In fact she had nothing to draw attention to her fame or success. She just blended into the crowd of parents and disappeared.
It shocked me. She was so normal; so regular; so ordinary, and yet she was not. She was an Olympian, a world champion.
In that moment, I realized the damage of self-doubt. I realized that I had always judged myself to be different, to be less. Kristi came there and showed me how ordinary she was. She showed me that she was just like me.
Yes she has done things I have never done, but the path to those achievements is open to me as well. I just need to realize and develop my talent and discipline.
That was an awakening.
Now, back to Lent. I started to realize that the whole “passion of Christ,” the whole story of his arrest, torture, execution, and resurrection, in fact the story of his whole life, could be the story or MY LIFE. Wow! This thought was empowering.
I read Eric Butterworth’s “Discover the Power Within” and embraced the idea that Jesus came here to teach “the divinity of man.” And I began to realize that just maybe there was some truth to that scripture, “all these things, and more, you can do through him who strengthens you.” Lent began to take on a whole different meaning. I began to see myself, my soul, going through the life of Jesus and I started to ask new questions.
So what would my resurrection look like…..no let’s go back further….what would my crucifixion look like?
I had been trudging through life carrying the cross of self-doubt. Every time my heart said, “go this way” or “do this now,” I respond with….
I’m not ready.
I don’t have the time
I don’t have the money.
What if people reject me.
I hate talking to strangers.
And yet, buried in consciousness, that desire NEVER DIES. It keeps coming to the surface, until I get to the point where I am just dying. The cross of self-doubt has gotten so heavy, I can hardly walk.
The people spitting on me; the officers striking me; and that crown of thorns
Those people are my own doubts, spitting on MY dream.
And that crown of thorns, wow! The crown I should be wearing is the one that shows everyone that I really can be all that I could be. It’s actually a halo, a circle of light that shines brightly for all to see and to realize…”here is a person who has triumphed over doubt. Here is a person who is living his dream. Here is a person whose faith is stronger than human circumstance. “
But no…..instead… I’ve been wearing that crown of thorns, punishing myself with doubt. And it hurts so much and I am bleeding out my dreams. The very life that once propelled my dream forward is now running down my face and dripping into the street. And it hurts.
So am I going to make it through?
Am I going to be the one that once and for all says,
I’m done with spitting on my dreams.
I’m done with the burden of this cross. How could I have picked it up and carried it so long.
I’m done with the crown….crown??? What have I done?
That me is dead. That me has been crucified.
It’s my Easter Sunday and I AM REBORN.
“I am divine. I am powerful. I am connected to the infinite divine power, the very loving presence of god. I reject doubt. I step forward in a shining burst of light. I am the radiant being that will bring MY SPECIAL GIFT to the world. And no matter what form that gift actually takes, it will always be an expression of love.
I am the one to bring a smile to stranger.
I am the one to offer a gentle touch to the one in despair.
I am the one to speak for those too depressed and beaten down to stand.
I am the light and love of god in this world and I am FREE to be me!”
I am the fullness of all I came here to be.”